I am your President and I am Donald Trump. I come before you and you will elect me again to be your greatest President because you are the greatest electorate in the world and we are going to make America great again, again.

I defeated North Korea. I defeated somewhere else in the world and I made America respected around the world. We want America to be first. Under my leadership America was first in the Coronavirus league, first to land on the moon and will have the biggest world deficit in history. In this election remember you are voting for me and not for Saddam, Putin, the Chinkie with the funny name, that Queenie woman or Saddam. They are no good. You are an American and you will vote for me and not the rest of the world, wherever that is. We are on the up and up and I want you to vote so hard for me that I finish up on Mt Rushmore.

I have cleared the swamp in Washington of all the people I appointed who were not up to it, but still there are people around in that Capitol thingie who are swamp. They favour their own businesses, get their dumb family in jobs, say anything that will get them elected  and go on about global warming. I am going to do global warming later in my speech. They talk money, healthcare, Co Operation and a load of shit. As you know, I do deals. I can make money out of the taxman on losses. I come out on top. America comes out of top. We stand tall. I have sorted Iraq, Syria, Vietnam, that Yemeny place, and we are going to do Canada. I do trade deals. We are going to take the Brits to the cleaners and make them another US state. I run the show here and play golf. My balls are always in the hole.

This election is also about Biden. Biden is Bad and Trump is Good. Biden is bad, because Hillary was bad and Obama was bad. Bush was good and won the War in Iraq until I won the war in Iraq. Bush spent a load of money and I spend a load of money, but Biden is bad. Spending a load of money makes you feel good. You feel good don’t you. That’s because I am spending a load of money. Obama was bad. He got the deficit down, but I am going to make it great again, the greatest deficit. My economic policy is to make the rich richer and you can see them on telly. You can see their wealth, my wealth right in your home on TV. But Biden is bad. His policies are bad. All policies are bad, but especially Biden’s. You must not vote for Bad Biden. You vote for Good Donald. Soon all my family, who like the White House stuff, will say how Good I am and How Bad Biden is.

Then there are the truthies. They are everywhere. They say too many Americans have died in the virusthing because of me. Americans do not die. I have not died. Americans may pass away but they do not die. And we will conquer the virus. We have the best troops in the world and they will shoot to win.

The truthies say that the economy is way down and we have a big trade gap and I am looking the other way, but Americans have always been able to go out and get a job. I need trash collectors in Trump Tower. You can tote that barge. You can lift that bale. We have the greatest economy in the world and the truthies always tell lies, so we must never listen to them. Never listen. Always talk over and remember Biden is bad. The economy is booming.

I want to talk to you Christians. Remember Jesus was a loser. He was slow getting votes, and he got nailed because he did not win. It is time you Christians backed a winner. You have to understand the logic. This is God’s America and God’s America voted for me and God can’t be wrong, so you vote for me again, and Biden is bad. I can hold a Bible. Of course, I don’t do the Commandments stuff, but I am the President. So, all you Christians will vote for me because Biden pretends he is a Christian and is bad. I am a sinner saved by space.

And then there is global warming. It does not exist. You can always inject it, or if that does not work we can cut the globe out and just do America warming. My wall may help keep it out, but if fires and hurricanes invade, we will stop them knowing they do not really exist. The best way is not to talk about them and vote for me. I will lead us through American warming which does not exist.

So Americans, vote for me. Think of it as a choice. Vote for me or vote for me. Sorry, I got that thinking thing wrong. Your arm goes straight for Trump. Democrats vote for Trump. Republicans will automatically vote for Trump. If all men and all women vote for Trump, like my family, then I should win and I can make America great again, again. Biden has two syllabillies and is bad, so you will forget that. Vote for Trump. Vote for Me. Always vote for me. There that should sort the bastards out.